The "Yes" Girl Experiment #2 - Ingrid

 My newest "yes" is probably one of my happiest, and wonderful yeses so far. It has also been one of my longest running "no's"... until yesterday.

It all started when my parents found and nursed back to health two cute little kittens last year. They were so young that my mom had to bottle feed them, and they could barely walk in a straight line. James and I so desperately wanted to keep both of them, but since we were three months away from leaving for S. Asia, it just wasn't going to work out. The kittens were taken to a loving new home, and we were left with only a few fluffy memories.

That was when we started dreaming about kittens! So far, it might be hard for you to understand why this made it to my "yes girl" posts. It doesn't sound like I had a reason to say "no".  Yes, I love kittens. Just thinking about cuddling with a little ball of fluff gives me the warm fuzzies. What I don't love is hair everywhere, people not wanting to come over because they're allergic to cats, and finding a good hiding spot in our home for a litter box. My family had a cat growing up, and he lived for 19 years. The very idea of being tied up with something that's not my husband or spawn for that long gives me sweaty palms. Even human babies aren't expected to live under your roof for that long!

I tossed around the idea of wrapping a cat in a box last week for James' birthday, but decided that the process of choosing one with him would be better. The next thought was to give him a coupon that said "Okay, I give up, let's get a cat," but I couldn't bring myself to make the first move. So, I resolved that the next time James said those words, I would say yes.

That happened two days ago as James scrolled down the cute, fuzzy pictures on Craigslist. I swallowed hard, and said the word. My mind immediately went into defense mode, flooding with all the reasons not to get a cat, but thankfully, it was too late. I had already said "yes," and there was no going back.

The little cutie fell asleep in James' lap on the way home.

Yesterday, we drove to Loveland to retrieve our prize. When we contacted the woman who had posted the add, she told us that the kitten we were interested in was the most cuddly in the bunch, and that she was the only one that purred. That sealed the deal for me. Those are the two best attributes any cat could have. So, purr and cuddle she did, all the way home! 

Ingrid has been purring, cuddling, pouncing and playing ever since! Watching her play with her toys and snuggle up to James' head while in bed made me wonder why I didn't say "yes" earlier! It's been less than 24 hours, and we've had so much fun with her already!

 Ingrid practically skips everywhere. This morning, she made three hops on her hind legs as she tried to pounce on James' feet. It made me laugh out loud!  She is also the only cat I have ever known who falls asleep/ is comfortable on her back. I was holding her on her back in my cupped hands (yes, she's THAT small) as we walked through the pet store, and she slept like that for a good ten minutes. It was adorable. Suffice it to say, Ingrid is the cutest animal that has ever walked on the earth, and we love her! I'm so happy that she is one of my "yes"es, and I can't wait to snuggle with her for the next 19 years(...)!

Welcome home, Ingrid.

The "Yes" Girl Experiment-Number One

I was one day in, and was already being faced with a difficult "yes". I'd been saying "no" to dying my hair just about every time James and I would go to the grocery store; when James would begin looking at hair dyes. He made it obvious almost as soon as we were married that he fancies golden brown hair. Not that he thinks my dark hair is ugly, or that he wants me to change my appearance in order to like me more, but golden brown is just a color that he's always thought was pretty. I, being the dark-haired goddess that I am (I hope you know that's a joke) have always taken pride in my dark tresses, and have a hard time thinking about parting with them. So, it wasn't a surprise when dread instantly filled my heart the minute I noticed James walking to the hair dye isle while we were at the grocery store two days ago. He was the one who was surprised, however, at the first word I uttered when he asked me for the seemingly millionth time if I wanted to dye my hair: "yes". It felt good to see his happily surprised face when he heard my answer. It felt good to be a "yes" girl. But at the same time, I regretted the word.

remember when this happened??

Remember my new motto? "Have fun at the 'yes'". It might be worded better to say, "Choose joy at the  'yes'". As it turns out, this motto is a LOT easier said than done. I could think of a million reasons NOT to dye my hair. I liked it dark. I'd already dyed it red (a dark, subtle red, remember). It was just growing back to it's natural state after the pixie cut!! But, as promised, I began counting the reasons to say "yes", and soon my anxious, half -"yes", became (after a good long time of reasoning with myself, mind you) an excited, %100 "yes!" After all, why shouldn't I try to please my husband? I know that he likes golden brown hair, and I also know that, for both selfless and selfish reasons I want to be as lovely as I possibly can be in his eyes. So why not put two and two together and do the darn thing?!? Well, that's exactly what I did. We bought the box of dye, and went home. After finishing James' cake (did I mention that that was on his birthday?), we went to the bathroom and doused my hair with the stuff.

As it turns out, golden brown is not that different from dark brown. Especially if your hair is so dark that it renders the dye basically useless. And also when you only use half of the bottle. User's error, I guess.

So it seems that all that fretting was for nothing. But I'll have you know that we WILL be trying the dye again in hope of a better, more golden result. I was really disappointed to see my natural hair color (albeit with a tinge of golden shine  if you really look at it) after it was all over. I wanted my "yes" to actually be a "yes"! But soon we'll try it again, and with some luck (and a better look at the instructions), my hair will be golden brown in no time!

Yes Girl - An Experiment

 My husband often talks with me about how glad he is that we are a "yes" couple.  He says that it conveys our love for the people we have in our lives, and our determination to be intentional with those relationships. I like the sound of that too. More than that, I know how wonderful it feels to be said "yes" to. We love having people over, and when we extend an invitation and it's accepted, we feel loved ourselves.

However, I sometimes laugh to myself when James makes his remark about our being a "yes" couple. I am NOT a "yes" person. When I am invited to do something last-minute, or even far in advance, my reaction is almost always a big, resounding no. Even when James asks me to cut his hair (which happens about every 3 weeks),  I immediately respond with my gut reaction: "NO!!!"

I received some advice from a wise woman the week before my wedding. The "Moms" in my life were sharing what they'd learned over their years of marriage, and this particular lady said, "Be a 'yes' girl". At the time, I didn't know how many aspects of life this piece of advice would speak into. I now know that being a 'yes' girl isn't just about saying the word, it's also about living it out.

This past weekend I've found myself being quite "no"ish. In one particular instance, I found myself wondering why James (who was wanting us to say "yes" to something) cared so much about agreeing to this outing. The big, pointing finger in my mind was then turned around. Why did I care so much about NOT going? Thankfully, I was able to squeak out a "yes", and though it was an unhappy, and begrudging "yes" at the time, we had a wonderful time when we finally found ourselves with the people who had invited us. That got me thinking. Why do I feel the need to say "no" to so many things? Not just invitations, but the little, everyday things that James mentions to me.

Sure, I've said "yes" to a few, really big decisions. "Yes" to South Asia, "yes" to This Is Church, but do I say "yes" to those little things that are scattered throughout our day? Jesus tells me in His word that if I am faithful in even the little things, that I will be faithful with bigger things. (Lk 16:10) Not vice versa.

So, how do you become faithful at things that you are really, REALLY bad at? Practice. So, for the rest of this month, I am going to practice being a "yes" girl. Not just to outings, or invitations, but to everything. 

I'm going to be honest, this is going to be soooo hard! Practice for becoming a "yes" girl means shutting up the voice inside that screams the reasons why certain things are a bad idea. It also means that whatever I think is best is going to take a back seat for a while. In essence, I will be laying myself down. Huh, it doesn't sound that crazy when I word it like that, does it? After all, I'm pretty sure that "laying myself down" was a part of the vows that I made before God, my husband, and many of you at my wedding day. Not to mention that it's encouraged in the Bible.

This is how I expect my "yes" to feel!

As it turns out, "yes" isn't only a word. It's also an attitude. If I say that I want to be a "yes" girl, then I can't shuffle my feet and pout whenever I agree to something I don't actually want to do; that could be harder on the both of us than if I had said "no" in the first place. The real "yes" happens when I take a step back, examine the reasons why I want to say no, and, in humility, choose joy in my "yes".

So, here I go, off to start my journey of becoming a "yes" girl. Before I start, I want to make 3 things clear to you... and myself.

1. Obviously, I'm not going to be in a cage. Laying myself down for my husband doesn't mean forgetting my needs, but understanding that my "wants" are negotiable. I'm going to be able to "state my case" if there's something I feel adamant about, but in most cases, I think I will find that when I really take a look at my own reasoning, I will see things that are generally shallow, selfish and unhelpful.

2. I'm NOT doing this so that my husband will see me laying myself down, and think, "Wow, I should really do what she wants this time".  If I've learned anything in my marriage, it's that these unspoken expectations are poison to a relationship. Also, if I'm only doing this experiment so that I'll get more of what I want, that's the opposite effect that needs to happen. This is about laying myself down, not sneakily building myself up.

3. This is not going to be sad. I'm not coming into this decision with tears and "woe is me"'s. There is joy in choosing "yes".  I'm an odd person in that, when I arrive at any event, I have a great time whether I originally wanted to go or not. So why not start having fun right away? Have fun at the "yes": that's my new motto.

I'll be journalling as I conduct this experiment, and will post updates when I reach any extraordinary discoveries. I expect to find a deep joy in being a "yes" girl. I also expect to be the owner of a cat before this is all over. I'll let you know how it all turns out!

May Jesus be glorified by this experiment both in my "yes" and in my marriage. In reality, it will be His beautiful and perfect "yes" that will be coming out of my sinful, dirty mouth. Be lifted high, Savior.

Amen!