Yes Girl - An Experiment

 My husband often talks with me about how glad he is that we are a "yes" couple.  He says that it conveys our love for the people we have in our lives, and our determination to be intentional with those relationships. I like the sound of that too. More than that, I know how wonderful it feels to be said "yes" to. We love having people over, and when we extend an invitation and it's accepted, we feel loved ourselves.

However, I sometimes laugh to myself when James makes his remark about our being a "yes" couple. I am NOT a "yes" person. When I am invited to do something last-minute, or even far in advance, my reaction is almost always a big, resounding no. Even when James asks me to cut his hair (which happens about every 3 weeks),  I immediately respond with my gut reaction: "NO!!!"

I received some advice from a wise woman the week before my wedding. The "Moms" in my life were sharing what they'd learned over their years of marriage, and this particular lady said, "Be a 'yes' girl". At the time, I didn't know how many aspects of life this piece of advice would speak into. I now know that being a 'yes' girl isn't just about saying the word, it's also about living it out.

This past weekend I've found myself being quite "no"ish. In one particular instance, I found myself wondering why James (who was wanting us to say "yes" to something) cared so much about agreeing to this outing. The big, pointing finger in my mind was then turned around. Why did I care so much about NOT going? Thankfully, I was able to squeak out a "yes", and though it was an unhappy, and begrudging "yes" at the time, we had a wonderful time when we finally found ourselves with the people who had invited us. That got me thinking. Why do I feel the need to say "no" to so many things? Not just invitations, but the little, everyday things that James mentions to me.

Sure, I've said "yes" to a few, really big decisions. "Yes" to South Asia, "yes" to This Is Church, but do I say "yes" to those little things that are scattered throughout our day? Jesus tells me in His word that if I am faithful in even the little things, that I will be faithful with bigger things. (Lk 16:10) Not vice versa.

So, how do you become faithful at things that you are really, REALLY bad at? Practice. So, for the rest of this month, I am going to practice being a "yes" girl. Not just to outings, or invitations, but to everything. 

I'm going to be honest, this is going to be soooo hard! Practice for becoming a "yes" girl means shutting up the voice inside that screams the reasons why certain things are a bad idea. It also means that whatever I think is best is going to take a back seat for a while. In essence, I will be laying myself down. Huh, it doesn't sound that crazy when I word it like that, does it? After all, I'm pretty sure that "laying myself down" was a part of the vows that I made before God, my husband, and many of you at my wedding day. Not to mention that it's encouraged in the Bible.

This is how I expect my "yes" to feel!

As it turns out, "yes" isn't only a word. It's also an attitude. If I say that I want to be a "yes" girl, then I can't shuffle my feet and pout whenever I agree to something I don't actually want to do; that could be harder on the both of us than if I had said "no" in the first place. The real "yes" happens when I take a step back, examine the reasons why I want to say no, and, in humility, choose joy in my "yes".

So, here I go, off to start my journey of becoming a "yes" girl. Before I start, I want to make 3 things clear to you... and myself.

1. Obviously, I'm not going to be in a cage. Laying myself down for my husband doesn't mean forgetting my needs, but understanding that my "wants" are negotiable. I'm going to be able to "state my case" if there's something I feel adamant about, but in most cases, I think I will find that when I really take a look at my own reasoning, I will see things that are generally shallow, selfish and unhelpful.

2. I'm NOT doing this so that my husband will see me laying myself down, and think, "Wow, I should really do what she wants this time".  If I've learned anything in my marriage, it's that these unspoken expectations are poison to a relationship. Also, if I'm only doing this experiment so that I'll get more of what I want, that's the opposite effect that needs to happen. This is about laying myself down, not sneakily building myself up.

3. This is not going to be sad. I'm not coming into this decision with tears and "woe is me"'s. There is joy in choosing "yes".  I'm an odd person in that, when I arrive at any event, I have a great time whether I originally wanted to go or not. So why not start having fun right away? Have fun at the "yes": that's my new motto.

I'll be journalling as I conduct this experiment, and will post updates when I reach any extraordinary discoveries. I expect to find a deep joy in being a "yes" girl. I also expect to be the owner of a cat before this is all over. I'll let you know how it all turns out!

May Jesus be glorified by this experiment both in my "yes" and in my marriage. In reality, it will be His beautiful and perfect "yes" that will be coming out of my sinful, dirty mouth. Be lifted high, Savior.

Amen!